Lazy Sunday

Another great day at the Z household today.

We went to church, where Zack was, as always, a hit with our congregation members. He fell asleep in my arms about halfway through, possibly with the help of the Children's Story song "Jesus Loves Me," also the song from one of his favorite teddy bears that seems to comfort him when everything else fails.

After a feeding, the Zooks piled into the Hy-un-Die(!) for a trip to get groceries. Daddy pushed the cart and Mommy pushed the baby stroller. We were stopped at least four times with comments on the Dude's mohawk.

When we got home, we all had something to eat before every one of us, animals included, took a nap. Zack and Mommy were snuggling on one couch and Daddy was on another and it was absolute beauty to wake up first and listen to the sounds of both of my guys breathing rhythmically.

We've been watching some football most of the evening and it's just about bath and bedtime for the Little Man.

It's been a great, relaxing, joyful weekend that has brought such peace to my heart.

Hope the trend continues this week. Another visit by the physical therapist and a new haircut for Mommy are on the schedule, plus a visit this weekend from our Baltimore-area friends!

May all your shirts be horizontally-striped and may your hair stand straight up into the air. :-)

Leaves and giggles

We had a great day today.

Zack woke up around 7 a.m. today and since Mommy worked late last night, Daddy took care of the morning feeding and let Mommy go back to sleep for a bit. How great! I didn't really get a lot of sleep, but it was so nice just to relax under the covers for a while.



We decided to take advantage of another beautiful day and a happy baby. Daddy started some more leaf-collecting work with his cool new leaf vacuum gadget while Mommy and Zack went for another walk. We bumped into a few of our neighbors again and then enjoyed the sunshine and each other's company. Well, for a few minutes until Zack fell asleep and Mommy kept stopping to test out the new camera again.



When we got back to the house, Zack was still sleeping, so Mommy and Daddy did some raking together while Zack snoozed under the shade on our tennis court.

We went inside and got ready for some visitors! Reva and Bret and their handsome boy Owen, born two days after Zack, came out tonight. The boys laid in the pack 'n' play for a little bit before sitting on their mom's laps and -- so serious here -- babbling and laughing to one another. Owen, who has the BEST laugh, would get a HUGE smile on his face, babble a few words and then pause. Then, a second later, Zack would babble a sound or two and then get a huge grin on his face. This continued for several minutes. I swear it was as though they were having a conversation with one another.




It is so great having another couple to compare notes with and share stories with, and we're very lucky that we have several couples to do that with. I can't help but watch anxiously what Owen does and how it compares with Zack's accomplishments so far, and although Zack is holding his own at this point more or less, I realize I have to keep myself from focusing on that too much.

What is important is that Zack does the best that HE can do.

It was a day full of treasures -- falling leaves, fresh air, the new camera, good friends and lots of giggles.

Indian Summer Stroll

Zack and I took advantage of my late shift working today, the beautiful weather and his awesome, happy temperament by taking a walk around our booming village.




The Little Man did great as Mommy experimented with her new camera's settings. While Mommy fiddled around, Baby Z blew raspberries (his new favorite thing to do) and played with his right foot.









We enjoyed the mooing cows, the quacking ducks (yes, Momma did mimic all their sounds for her son) as well as a greeting from a couple of our neighbors. Zack fell asleep just a few minutes from returning home and is currently still dreaming sweetly in his car seat.


I hope Zack always appreciates the beautiful area he's growing up in... the farmers working hard year-round, the friendly people we meet and greet and the fresh smells (except on manure-spreading days) of country livin'.


I'm already looking forward to the spring and summer months so that we can enjoy more precious moments like this together.

Hello again!

I haven't posted in a while, and I really apologize for that.
We're still on a rollercoaster -- of emotions, of responsibilities and of the crazy life ride in general.

And then, there's this little guy who brightens my world every day. I'm slowly beginning to be more comfortable with peeling myself away from that joy a little more each day and promise to share Zack's milestones, charms and of course lots of photos, with you all much more now.

I was thinking about starting some weekly traditions for the blog to really get me on here more often... whether it's a photo every Wednesday or other things on other days. I've seen a lot of neat things on other Mommy blogs but want to hear from my adoring fans.

Cricket, cricket...
... Hello? Adoring fans?




Well, for now, I'll leave you with photos of the handsome dude.
We had a lot of good quality time hanging out on the floor today while Mommy prepared for Election Day coverage tonight. At one point, Zack grabbed a hold of his one puppy toy, turned his head and started making sounds at it, smiling every now and then. I think he and Puppy might have been having a sneaky conversation about Momma!

Go out and vote and make the world better for Zack! :-)

Your hands

I do a lot of my thinking early in the morning, during our first feeding, rocking me and the baby in our corner of the nursery in our little corner of the world. In just the first two months with Zack, I've shed the majority of my tears in that room and have had some of the brightest moments of my entire life so far within those four walls, just learning everything I can about him.

There are times that my imagination just runs away from all realm of control. Like today, when, half-sleep-deprived and half just plain emotional, I felt a tug on my finger. Zack had grabbed it with one of his tiny fists and seeing his fingers open and close around my finger, and then a clump of my hair (ow!) and then rubbing up and down a corner of my shirt, I just knew that hand was going to learn so much in this world.

And so I told Zack a story that went something like this...

You see, that little hand of yours is going to take you to a lot of places.
It's going to be the little hand that feels unchartered territory time and time again; the fingers that squeeze, pull, push, grab and cling to all the things you'll hate and love and everything in between.

Zack, I can't wait until you and Momma explore the world together, hand in hand. There will be times when you hold tightly to my much bigger hands in many of life's great adventures. There are roads to walk down together and paths to explore and I know I will cherish all of the times you choose to take me with you on those explorations.

Then there will be the moments when I have to pull my hand out of yours, or more likely, when you pull yours away from mine so that you can explore all on your own. In my greatest moments of independence have come some of the toughest life lessons but also some of the greatest feelings of freedom and decision. I already dread the day I let go of your little hand to put you on the schoolbus, or say goodbye as you head to a friend's house or a camp or maybe even further away from me and your Daddy.

This hand will hold things that scientists don't think you should be able to hold, of this I am sure.
Your hand will reach for things you shouldn't see, feel things you shouldn't understand.

It will pet my hair one day, perhaps haphazardly. It will get in the way of diaper changes and getting dressed, interfere with bathing and will pick up lots of dirt and hopefully not a lot of bugs. :-)

Your hand, short and stubby right now, but strong as anything I've experienced, will explore our entire world, along with your curious blue eyes and powerful chicken legs.

I hope you hold my hand forever.
I hope you give me the privilege of holding yours until the end of time.

From the moment I first saw you, I saw that hand, reaching up to your face which was looking up to the bright lights in the operating room. Just a few hours later and it was curled up on my chest as we got to know each other better.

I love the way it falls over the top of my back when you fall asleep on my shoulder.

You see, there is so much of you to love. I love everything you have to offer, from your playful chirps and tired sighs to the way you seem to melt into my arms when I hold you.

You, and those beautiful hands, are the reason I was put on this earth. No one else can understand it, no one else can even come close to taking it away.

Many will love you and be loved by you and your world-chasing hands.
But you only get one Momma. And that makes me the luckiest person in the world.

Hold on, baby, hold on tight.

The Big Month -- The Big Realization

Happy August.

Did you know that sometime this month ("WHEN" is the big mystery...) Baby Z will be born?! It might be this week or it might be as late as the 20th-ish, but our little bundle of joy will most definitely come out of his cozy room in Momma Belly Inn and out into the world within these next few weeks.

I can't help but smile every single time I walk past a calendar.

What an amazing month this will be...
... Thank you all for being a part of the journey so far.

Again, Happy August. :-)

Special spot for Mommy-to-Be

I have spent nine months missing out on or being denied the super-exciting Stork Parking Spot at ANY of the places I've parked throughout this pregnancy.

It became a joke with Scott, with us kidding about a teenage boy stealing the spot or someone who just wanted closer parking thinking the likelihood of a pregger lady showing up being too small to park a spot further away.

As time has gone on, we've even joked that we should stand next to the car in the spot (which doesn't even exist at many places around here!)and compare bellies to the person who claims the car.

But then, as Scott and I pulled into the grocery store parking lot last night, I squealed with delight -- and shock. The Stork Spot was EMPTY!!!

We had to veer around the parking lot because we missed the aisle at first, but then we were there, pulling in to the coolest little spot in the parking lot.

It only took three trimesters and until I was within two weeks of my due date before we were able to take advantage of the spot, but took advantage of it we did.

My husband even thanked me for being pregnant. :-)

A tour of the place where you'll be born

As part of last night's birthing class, Scott and I took a tour of the maternity wing and a labor/delivery room at the hospital. It was probably the part of the class we had most looked forward to just to get a visualization of where all this "fun" would take place. Barring any surprise deliveries at home or in a taxicab (OK, our town doesn't even have a taxi), you'll be born at this hospital in Roaring Spring, in a room very similar to the one we saw last night.

It was so strange, and yet perhaps so fitting, to see the fold-apart bed, the baby warming station, some of the tubes and tools that will be used.

Hospitals are a terrifying place to me and, believe it or not, so are most doctors. They mean well and they save lives and do miraculous things, but as soon as I step inside the doors of a hospital, I'm back to the 10-year-old girl who lost her mom in one of those buildings. I'm old and wise enough to know that was a completely different set of circumstances and that this is just a silly fear. (And I really did feel like this part of the hospital was a "happy" place).

Standing in that room, however, I almost immediately felt like I was on the starting line of a huge race back in my competitive running days. I knew the hardest part would be stepping foot off that line, all nerves and shaky feet and doubts and fears, and that soon enough, I'd be in that incredible runner's high, passing girls, doing my best, trucking up a massive hill when that was the last things my legs -- or mind -- wanted to do.

I'm not quite on the starting line yet, but I think I'm definitely warming up, getting mind and body ready for what's to come and telling myself over and over again how much I've put into this moment and how brave I can be when I want something so badly.

And I can only imagine that 'mother's high' of welcoming our son into the world and watching his daddy hold him in his arms.

I've got a great coach, a wonderful support system of friends and family and I know I'm ready for the fight that comes in these mauve rooms with bright lights.

Doctor's appointment today -- fingers crossed for some progress and more good health news!

Got a guess?

Our friend Staci started a poll on Facebook to try and guess when Baby Z will arrive and how big he will be.

Do you have a guess? Let me know! (Or join our Baby Birthday Poll group on Facebook)

Guesses for dates so far are:
Aug. 1, 7, 9, 11, 15, 17 and 19.
Smallest weight so far is 7 pounds, 4 ounces; the largest is 8 pounds.

Hints:
Scott was a month early. I was about a week early.
Scott weighed in the mid-7-pound range. I was 8 pounds, 5 ounces. I was also a C-section baby.

Baby Z. was estimated at 5.5 pounds last week... he's probably at about 6 pounds now, growing 1/2 a pound or so each week. He's very long/tall, too.

We are fairly certain of our possible conception date(s) and both think it would bring us a little earlier than due date.

Final hint: He's a Zook. Anything's possible. :-)

So what do you think???

Hot, hot, hot

We are in the middle of a record-setting heat wave here in PA. It's a nightmare for most people, but I'm told the elderly and preggers have it pretty bad right now. Oh, wait, that second part?... I can vouch for that.

My body temperature on its own is automatically 10 degrees warmer than my former "normal" temp would be in the past. The girl who once got chilly in anything lower than 70 degrees now sweats at anything above 60 degrees.
I wake up, make the bed, and am sweating.
I take a shower, dry off, get dressed, and am sweating.
I walk to the kitchen and sweat.

I can almost guarantee that, if at all possible, Baby Z's little brother or sister will NOT be born at the end of summer. Fall or Winter? Meh. Spring or early summer? Sure! August? You've got to be kidding me.

In other symptoms news... I can't sleep. Definitely not restfully at least, and most definitely not for longer than three hours at a time. Scott's been getting up at 3:30 a.m. for work now (groan) to beat the heat and I'm pretty much up for the day at that point as well.

I also can not get comfortable at all, no matter what I do... Standing makes my back and legs achy; Sitting has to be done in the goofiest position, with back far back, legs up if possible; and laying down is even difficult because of the baby's new movements.

My appetite has gone down a bit, but that's supposed to be normal at this point (especially with this heat, yuck!). At some point your body knows it has enough calories and doesn't need any more weight for the baby, so it's supposed to be OK.

Mentally, I'm incredibly excited and anxious. I want to meet and to hold the baby so much and get started on this journey as a mother, but then I start thinking about all of the last-minute things I need to do (finish our birthing classes, weekly doctor's visits now, packing a hospital bag, setting up the car seat, getting things ready for work while I'm on leave... ETC.) and it all makes me go crazy sometimes.

I am so happy though, really and truly. That's one constant of this whole pregnancy. I've got a constant companion who will be one of the loves of my life for many, many years. I love him already. Oh, and then there's Scott, my true companion and soulmate. He's been fantastic this whole time, working hard on house projects, dealing with 1,000 baby-related questions, helping with dinners, going along on doctor's appointments... the list just goes on and on. We're such a good team and I can't wait to see him hold his son.

And finally, there's babies everywhere! (Well, there will be!)
Our friend V. is about 14 weeks along and is doing great. We were so overjoyed to be told of their great news when they stopped here on their way to their new home in Texas.
And we just found out our friend J. is welcoming her second trimester. Hooray!

It's so wonderful to have a group around you that "gets" it and, of course, who are making baby playmates for your little one. :-)

Good luck to all my pregnant and new mommy friends out there. You're doing the best job out there, I think.

Wishing you love and cool temperatures. :-)

"Take care of that little Panther..."

I covered my second of three high school graduations this week last night.

This one was special. For a lot of reasons.
From a reporter's point-of-view, it was a smaller class, which meant a shorter ceremony and a more intimate setting for possible stories. It was also held outdoors -- my first one in 4 years of coverage! -- which is great for better photos and a bit of a breeze.

It was also nearby... barely two miles from our house. In fact, we can see the stadium lights a lot of nights from our windows.

This was also special because it's the school our Baby Z will graduate from (barring any random moves, home-schooling or sudden contempt for the county). I found myself in a trance watching the black-and-white clad seniors smiling for their parents, taking deep breaths just before accepting their diplomas and getting caught up in the emotion of the evening.

One day, my son will be out on that field (I'm already hoping for an outdoor ceremony in 2027 or 2028!) and I'll be holding back tears, with Scott yelling at me for taking too many photos and perhaps another boy or girl wondering if they get Zack's car now.

It's very surreal.
And so exciting!





When I was talking to the school's superintendent after the ceremony, he was so excited knowing we were going to have a baby and that that child would be attending the school district.
As I was leaving, he shouted my name and said, "Take care of that little Panther (the school mascot)."

You better believe it.
Taking care of and loving with all my might.

(And secretly plotting its stellar track career... shh, don't tell Daddy!)

Numbers floating in my mind

I've told a lot of people during this whole crazy process that everything is suddenly seen in a different light when you're on the verge of mommyhood. Everyday activities become something you one day get to share with your baby. Memories are something you share, too, for better or for worse.

16 years ago today my mother passed away in a New Jersey hospital after hanging on, battling, fighting for so long. I wasn't there with her that day, but I remember every minute of that week so clearly.

May 26 has been a rollercoaster ride of a day every year for me. I see it approaching on the calendar and grimace, wishing another year without my mom wasn't about to be added to an already too-big of a number. When I wake up on this day, I never know what Wendy is going to face the day. Sometimes, she's a scared little 10-year-old girl again. Sometimes, she is mightier than all the gladiators in the history of the world and the day barely affects her.

I woke up today and thought I just wanted to hide under the covers. Then, the baby started kicking, as if to get me out of bed and out of a prospective funk. So I compromised, staying in bed for a few extra minutes and telling him some of my favorite memories about his grandmother.

Then, Baby Z and I got out of bed and are facing the day together. He makes me so much stronger than I ever thought I could be. I'm sure that will continue for many, many years.

But I was suddenly hit hard by a scary thought.
I've turned out OK for not growing up with my mom, and for having a sick mother for the years I did have her. But her loss is something I have always and will always feel. It's made me the person I am, for better or for worse. I have that power to impact the baby's life and make a difference in his world.

And as strong as I think I am now, I will promise to only be as strong as possible, to stay with him, fighting tooth and nail for every memory and moment we can share together. There are so many that my mother missed out on that I need to share with him.

And I need him to know what his grandmother -- with the blonde hair, the gray eyes and quiet, funny laugh -- was all about. And how much she loves him and wishes she could be here now.

Cheesy commercial alert!

Commercials make me cry.
They always have, really. But especially now. And especially anything having to do with babies, mommies, daddies, sunshine, tulips, puppies, rainbows and most food.

OK, so it's not quite that bad, but I saw this one today during some quiet time alone and had to skip backwards to re-watch it three times.

"...And right now you're taking her breath away."
Sigh.

V-Day

Today is officially our V-Day. Not Valentine's Day. Not a movement to end violence against women (although that is important.)

No, loved ones. Today is Viability Day.
Thanks to the amazing accomplishments in the medical field, a preterm baby delivered at 24 weeks or later has a strong ability to survive and lead a normal life.

While we hope (and pray... and INSIST) that Baby Z stays inside his little pod until we're between 37 and 42 weeks (basically whenever he's ready), it is comforting to know that he is developing so much that nearly all of his organs are at or near functioning levels (you worry about lungs the most at this point in the game).

Our little man is much more active recently. I feel him several times a day and love every second of it. It's a reassuring comfort to know that he is doing just fine, practicing his baseball pitch presumably. :-)

Belly Laughs... and belly laughs

My friend Julie let me borrow her book Belly Laughs back in December when she and her husband Mike first learned about Baby Z2B.
Belly Laughs is a must, Julie said about Jenny McCarthy's hysterical look into the truth about pregnancy.

I have read it in bits and pieces as I get a few lounging minutes on the couch these past few months. Last night, I read the last half of it in one sitting as Scott napped near me.

To say it was funny would be an understatement; as would be saying it's brutally honest.

It's like a collection of inside jokes that you just "get" and only get to share with the women who were there. I mean... blue twinkies?! (Google it if you're desperate and/or pregnant. Ignore it if you are wise and unwed). And Julie, we are soooo talking about poop one of these days.

I most especially loved hearing her perspective about labor and her delivery day -- a tough one to be sure, with some scary moments. But at the end of the book, it was just pure love and joy over what she called the best job of all: mommyhood.

I HIGHLY recommend this book to any soon-to-be mommy.

Ohhhh the chapters I could add.
Like the one about how belly laughs are absolutely different when when you're five months pregnant. You try holding it in on the phone with a friend because a hardcore, all-out laugh sends 23 different organs in various directions and makes baby decide to start training for a marathon.

Then there would be MANY chapters about "down there" and how I can't even see it anymore when I stand up. I'm lucky that I can still shave up to about my knees... but only if I take breaks every 30 seconds in the shower.

You've heard about the cravings before.
They've increased. In volume and absurdity. Tuna sounds amazing right now, straight out of the can. Also, a root beer float. And a steak. Last weekend, I swerved across traffic and waited in the drive-thru line for 20 minutes so that I could get a Sausage McMuffin and an orange juice. My first desired thing of orange juice in my entire life. Now it's all I want to drink.

Then there's the emotions. Compared to other stories I've heard and witnessed, I'm not doing so badly in this department, especially considering the fact that I am usually a very emotional, sensitive person. I'm OK now, just don't mess with my schedule or my food supply. And please don't put a sad commercial on TV. (And by sad I include beer commercials, dandruff ads and Sandals Resorts promos.)

Then there are the negatives... like the spastic muscle cramps and aches I felt up and down my legs last night... when I woke up every hour. I have a footstool at my desk that is my lifesaver, and luckily I don't have to do too much walking around for my job.

All in all, it would be an interesting book.
There are a few chapters that I don't think would make it to print.
But if I could express this whole experience in just a few words, it would be simple: I love it. Every aching muscle and unsatisfied craving that brings me to tears of frustration. I love becoming a mother a little more day by day and I can't stop daydreaming about the handsome son nestled up in a warm safe place that's always close to me.

Time flies

Our due date is in exactly four months from today.

I can't quite process that. It seems like just yesterday we were wondering if it was a boy or a girl; hoping we could make it through the first trimester; working on keeping the BIGGEST secret; seeing the magic word "pregnant" on our test in December... and now, here we are, the middle of April, entering the last part of the second trimester and planning showers, registries, nursery and more for our little man.

It's an amazing process and it's such a blessed time for us. I've never felt so lucky -- or so happy -- in my life.

On another note, I've been trying to convince Scott he needs to do another "From Daddy" blog post one of these days. Might take some convincing... or another really good deal (that hopefully involves food). :-)

Regist-GRR-ing

Who would have thought registering for a baby would be so overwhelming, intimidating, intense and confusing?!

It was less than a year ago that Scott and I registered for our wedding and that was such a piece of cake. Granted, we had both already lived by ourselves for extended periods of time and had been moved into our new house for several months, so we didn't have a lot of things we needed.

But still.

This is one human being.
A small one at that.

Do you know how many brands of diapers there are? And then how many different types and sizes each brand has? Or the sheer volume of things like onesies, towels and pacifiers that you may or may not need?

I have closed the computer several times while registering online this past week, mostly when I have such an overwhelming moment that I start speaking gibberish and Scott has to flee the room.

Today, while Scott and our friend Ben took an adventure to Jersey to pick up some fencing from my dad, my friend Julie (and proud momma of nearly-one-year-old(!) Olivia) offered to walk through Babies 'R' Us with me to tell me the things I can't go without, the things she never thought about and the things you never have enough of to help wrap up our registry.

Seriously, Julie is an ANGEL.
We had a lot of laughs, first of all, which always helps. Like the laughs from when we couldn't get the scanner gun to work... or when it would be scanning the ceiling instead of the bouncer. And the laughs from our Pregnancy/Baby Brain moments.
In the end, she had so much good advice and I can officially say after taking a few more items off our list that we are OFFICIALLY registered!

I'm glad that I have a few more months before I have to see some of these items again, especially now that I've more or less memorized which page they are on, but today really also got me so much more excited.

I mean, the Little Baby Z will be sitting in this Pack 'n' Play, will be wearing the "Bananas for Mommy" shirt and will be smelling like Aveeno in just a few months. This is such an exciting experience and I can't wait to meet the little man, although I am really enjoying my pregnancy so far (especially now that the Stomach Bug of 2010 is over).

Our due date is in less than 18 weeks!!!

Much love from the Zooks xoxo

Letters to baby

In lieu of the imminent "BIG" ultrasound Friday afternoon, I had to share a little love and what you might call wishes or daydreams to our baby boy or our baby girl. We will most definitely welcome whatever we are given and spend our pre-bedtime minutes praying for a healthy baby above all else.

Forgive the mushiness, the cheesiness and my hormones.

Here's a letter to our baby girl and then our baby boy.


Dear Baby Girl --
My own daddy calls me that. I'm his Baby Girl and he's my Poppa Bear and no matter how old I get or how much of life and distance has gotten in our way, that will never change. There's something about being a Daddy's Girl that just can't be replaced; some sort of bond hardly ever seen anywhere else. My daddy is my hero and I know that if you are indeed a little girl, your daddy will be your hero too.

Because he's an amazing man.

Your father has been wishing for pink since before he even married Mommy. I know he'll be incredibly happy either way of course, but I wonder if he just wouldn't mind having himself wrapped around the finger of a little girl.

Be careful, though, little one, because being a girl, a little lady and a woman is a hard job. Ask your Mommy about the country folk who still don't think she should be showing up at the county courthouse "messing with matters that shouldn't concern her." Ask your Great Aunt Alice or your Grandma Debbie or your Great Aunt Dot or your cousins Becky or Jennifer, Jeannine, Kacey, Nicole, Julie or Allison. It's tough being a woman. We wear our emotions and our hearts on our sleeves but are stuck in a world dominated by people with names like Bill and Ted. I'll stop my feminist preaching here (for now -- at least until your in your pre-teens) and will just hope you find strength and independence when it matters most.

I hope you are not too much of a girlie girl because you see, your mom was a pretty nice tomboy growing up and much preferred toy cars to Barbies. I'll be OK with seeing you in pretty dresses though, especially when you're younger and when they're accompanied by Easter bonnets, gloves and little patent leather shoes. I won't mind if your friends are boys (until high school) or if you like to jump in mud puddles, either.

I also really hope that you remind yourself once a day that you are beautiful inside and out (until you find a great guy like Daddy who reminds you of that all the time) and that you never sacrifice your happiness for someone else. And don't ever share a cell phone plan with a guy.

Speaking of don'ts: Don't ever dress slutty, especially on Halloween. Everyone does it and it just becomes an embarrassing Facebook photo down the line. Don't ever hate your parents, because we gave you life but mostly because we've promised to be as patient and understanding as possible, no matter the situation we find ourselves in with you. Some of my biggest (and only) regrets involve my mom, who passed away when I was 10. I was given 10 years with her and I often wonder if I made the most of that time.

Dear Baby Girl, I think I'm rambling and I haven't really said anything of importance yet I fear. Just know that you won't have pink walls -- probably purple. Also know you are loved already. As you should be. And that there is a long line of women on both sides of your family with fascinating stories that I just can't wait to share with you. (I guess the guys are pretty interesting, too.)

Your daddy and I love you and can't wait to meet you.
Love,
Mommy


To my "little man" --
A boy! A boy! A beautiful boy!
If you, our darling first-born, are a boy, you will be a big brother and I wonder if that's not going to be a very hard job at times. You see, you'll be responsible for taking care of and protecting any little brother or sister you get in the next few years -- a responsibility you might feel for the rest of your life. Your daddy and I are both technically only children, but Mommy is lucky to have two older step-sisters who have grown closer and closer to her in recent years, despite a good-sized age difference. Now, Mommy gets parenting tips and lots of helpful advice.

I can't wait to meet you. I'm excited to peek out of our kitchen window and watch your daddy teach you how to throw a baseball (even if his shoulder will ache for days afterwards). I'm a bit hesitant to see if you're going to be one of those boys who likes to bring his Mommy bugs and creepy unidentifiable organisms that should stay in the dirt. I'll deal, I promise. (::Shudders::)

You have a lot of boy cousins like Kevin and Ryan in Chicago and like your cousin Nicholas in New Jersey, so that should be a lot of fun for you when it comes time for family gatherings. And, if you're interested, there's an older lady named Olivia who was born in April 2009. But no rush on that one -- I hear she has a lot of suitors already.

I hope you and I have a fabulous relationship -- that I'm fun to be around and that you feel you can come to me about anything -- especially about how to treat the ladies. :-) I wonder if you'll be interested in sports like me and your dad always have been; if you'll be a smarty pants in school (I hope!); if you'll have lots of friends over for snowball fights and bike races.

I have to be honest about one of my fears. You see, I'm very afraid you're going to pee in my face while I change you one of these times. Your family is laughing at Mommy right now, but Mommy had a very traumatizing experience as a Mother's Helper about 10 years ago that still haunts her. I know, I know, cover the goods up and you should be safe. But still... :-)

Your mommy has secretly "felt" like you might be a boy since a first ultrasound in February. Maybe it was to counteract Daddy's nagging about a little girl, or maybe it was real -- I guess we'll find out tomorrow.

I love you, little man. Always and always and always. Can't wait to meet you.
Love,
Mommy

Half baked

As my old "friend" Bon Jovi sings...

That's right, loved ones, we are officially halfway "there"... "there" meaning delivery and baby in arms!!! I'm 20 weeks today and I have to keep pinching myself with how well things have been going so far, how lucky we are and how happy I am to be a mommy-to-be.

Now, fingers crossed for a great ultrasound tomorrow!

MUCH love.

This is how serial killers are created

I might have blinded our child yesterday.
But it was for a good cause, I assure you.

You see, I was reading some posts on my August Mommies forum board at thebump.com where other mommies-to-be said they took a flashlight over their bellies and felt the baby's movement.
I'm so ridiculously excited to officially feel the baby that I might have tried this little experiment last night. There have been several times, especially in the last week or so that I "thought" I felt Baby, but wasn't entirely sure. It was often a fleeting feeling and pretty light, too, so I just couldn't be entirely sure.

Well the flashlight experiment, round one, was sort of a dud. As Scott looked at me as though I had three eyes, I couldn't really feel anything at all. Actually, I was hungry, but that feeling's a bit of a constant.
I tried the experiment again just before bedtime last night and *thought* I just.might.maybe.could.have.possibly felt the baby, two times, harder than other times, in about the same spot.

Could it have been baby? I'm not entirely convinced, but definitely hopeful.

And Baby? If you think shining a bright light in your face while you were trying to grow organs and all that jazz was bad, just wait until you're older. Muhahaha.